


believe in yourself, captain

by VolleyballShank



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Yahaba-centric, captain Yahaba, obviously, old third years are gone, they are in their 3rd year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6565123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VolleyballShank/pseuds/VolleyballShank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yahaba doesn't believe in his setter abilities, but his boyfriend and teammates are there to reassure him that they believe in their new captain more than Yahaba himself would have ever thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	believe in yourself, captain

**Author's Note:**

> !!English is not my mother language!!
> 
> This is so angsty, but I promise it has a happy ending. I had one of the worst volleyball practises today, and I needed to get my feelings out, so there we go. I am libero, so it is kinda - a lot - different, but nevermind. Hope you like it.
> 
> I am currently working on another fic here on AO3 (it's called "we're all a little broken") so if you want you can check it out too and tell me what you think :) I hope the new chapter will be done on time, since I wrote this fic because I was feeling extremely sad, and I had to stop writing the multichapter fic for a while. If someone was interested, I'll let them know if I can make it on time :)

His toss is too high. Again. It is the sixth toss in a row that isn’t anywhere near good, and even though the spikers always tell him that the tosses aren’t that bad, he doesn’t believe them. He is grateful that they want to cheer him up by saying that his tosses don’t suck as much as they really do, but he can see right through their smiling faces and kind words.

They are angry. They are all pissed off at him, because they cannot train properly when Yahaba isn’t able to give them a toss they need. It’s always too high or, too low, too fast or too slow, too far from the net or too close to the net. Maybe ten out of sixty tosses were good enough to be called tosses, and that’s just horrible.

Some would say that it’s it not that bad if ten tosses out of sixty were alright, since it has to be pretty exhausting to toss so many times, to so many players who all need a different toss to use all of their strength. But Yahaba isn’t exhausted, or tired, or over-worked. Simply said, he just sucks. So, so much.

His day wasn’t bad, his grades are good, he didn’t have any argument with parents, teachers, friends, or teammates. Everything is just fine, and yet when it comes to volleyball, it doesn’t matter in what mood he is, he can’t toss the way he wants.

Yahaba trains, hard. He isn’t afraid to say that he trains more than enyone in this club. He comes to the gym early to practice his serves and tosses, and leaves late in the evening when the janitor comes and tells him to go home already.

His arms sometimes hurt after practising so much, but he doesn’t care. He never does. Sometimes he can’t move them properly, since his arms don’t even feel like they are a part of his body. He often just lies in his bad after coming home from practise and stares at the ceiling above him, wondering if all the practising is good for something. He doesn’t see any improvement from the last year when Oikawa said that he is going to help him with his tosses and serves. That time, he really felt that he is going to get better. He got praised by his teammates and couches, and Yahaba felt extremely happy.

After Oikawa left, Yahaba became a mess. Of course, he still practised as hard as he could, but no improvement came. It was depressing, because he knew exactly where the mistake was when he tried to toss the ball or serve. He knew it, and yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He was told at least one million times what should he do to avoid that mistake in the future, and do it right the next time, but somehow, he still managed to screw up.

Yahaba isn’t hurt, or doesn’t have any serious injuries that would trouble him when he’s playing volleyball. He can’t say that his knee hurts when he jumps, or that his fingers ache when he sets the ball. There is nothing wrong with his body, but at the same time, everything’s wrong.

He is tall enough to stop a spike with his block, but he is just so bad at blocking that when he tries to block, the ball flies right through his fingers, and what could be a point for their team – since the ball would be out of bounds – is instead a point for the other side, since Yahaba always has a one touch.

Long story short, he sucks at everything. And he is supposed to be _a captain_. How ironic, that the player who is the worst of all the players on the court is also the captain of the team. Yahaba feels ashamed of himself.

Nothing ever goes as Yahaba wants it, and today is not different.

His sixty-first toss is too high and too close to the net. He apologies and notes the mistake he made this time in his mind, but truth be told, he doesn’t even know why is he noting his mistakes anyway – he will do the same mistake again, and he will realize it right after. He also receives another ‘it’s okay‘ from his teammate after he apologies, and Yahaba nods, promising to give him a better toss next time. Even though he says that, he already knows that he is going to screw up one more time. And then two more times, and again, and again. That’s just how it is.

His coach once told him that it’s just in Yahaba’s mind. He said that if Yahaba believes that he can do it, he will do it. He just has to concentrate, and he’ll do it. He also said that it doesn’t matter if he has a bad day or something, because his teammates know that Yahaba is a good setter, and everybody can have bad days. The team already saw what is Yahaba capable of, and they believe in him. The thing is, Yahaba isn’t capable of doing much. Just 60% of his tosses are okay, and Yahaba can’t leave it like that. But how is he going to improve? He is doing everything he can, and it is all for nothing.

Maybe he just isn’t born to play volleyball. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you like what you’re doing. If you are incapable, there is no reason to continue, especially when it’s a team sport. Yahaba knows that his inability drags the whole team down, and it makes him feel incredibly bad.

He dreams that one time, after a match, he will go home and will say something like ‘I did well today‘ or at least ‘I didn’t fuck up‘. It all seems too far away, too impossible.

And there it comes, another – sixty-second – toss that is too far from the net, and the spiker has to improvise in order to get it to the other side. Yahaba sighs, frustrated and desperate.

This spiker doesn’t say ‘it’s okay‘. He looks at him, anger written all over his face, and he walks away from the net without a word. Yahaba tries to ignore it, saying that the next toss will be better, that he will finally do something right, but it’s impossible to ignore a look like that.

It wasn’t only anger that the spiker must have felt when he Yahaba gave him a terrible toss. The spiker was cursing him in his mind, wishing to have a better setter. Wishing to have Oikawa back, because Yahaba was just too bad.

Yahaba feels the tears in his eyes, but he doesn’t want to cry. Not again. He cries almost every practise, feeling _so desperate_ to give the spikers a perfect toss, one that Yahaba wouldn’t have to be ashamed of.

Truth is, Yahaba is not a sensitive person, so he doesn’t really understand the sudden need to cry at volleyball practise. In fact, he is one of the least sensitive people in the world, and he doesn’t care if others call him heartless. Yahaba is not heartless. No. He just doesn’t think that there are so many things that are worth crying over. But while playing volleyball, he changes to the most sensitive person he possibly can, and cries after every practise – or more accurately, in the middle of the practise. How stupid, right?

He cries, but him crying doesn’t mean that someone has to come up to him and try to calm him down, so the practise can movie on, since Yahaba obviously can’t toss while his eyes are full of tears. His tosses would be even worse than they are now. To be honest, Yahaba hates being seen so vulnerable, hates being seen as the crybaby of the volleyball team. He is a captain, for God’s sake, he should start to act like one. He should be the one calming down his kouhais when they feel down, not the other way around.

Yahaba hates it when he cries, but he can’t do anything about it. He just feels sad, stupid, frustrated, everything at the same time, and the tears just come hand in hand with the frustration he feels. He knows that when his teammates see the tears in his eyes, they are already starting to cuss in their mind because, well, there we go. Their captain is crying like a child again.

It’s so humiliating. This whole crying thing is extremely humiliating. Yahaba tries to fight the tears, he doesn’t want to be seen crying. This time, it works. He pushed the tears back, at least for the time being.

He manages to toss the ball correctly this time, but it doesn’t feel good. He isn’t happy about sending a good toss to Kindaichi, not at all. He doesn’t feel happiness, he feels mostly relieved, because if he screwed up one more time, he would definitely die of shame. It’s it sad? He can no longer feel the sweet taste of happiness when he sees a spiker slamming the ball to the ground. He wants to feel happy again so badly.

His sixty-fourth toss is terrible, again. It’s too low, and Kyoutani has to hit it with his left hand. Yahaba closes his eyes after he sees that Kyoutani hit the ball out of bounds because of his horrible toss, and he clenches his fists in irritation.

Another. Bad. Toss.

"What’s wrong with you?!“ Yahaba tears his eyes open and takes a step back in shock. Kyoutani is the first one to lose his temper. How unexpected.

Yahaba doesn’t look away from him, hoping that Kyoutani sees the desperation in his eyes. He doesn’t toss bad intentionally, he is just really bad. He is not able to synchronize with anyone.

Oikawa was able to do it.

"I’m sor–“

"Don’t you dare apologize one more time!“ he yells at Yahaba in anger, and Yahaba looks down, biting his already chapped lips.

After Kyoutani starts yelling, everything goes quiet. Everyone is looking at them, whispering to each other. Yahaba feels so small under the gaze of everyone in the gym, and the only thing he wants to do is to run away right now, and never come back again.

"Your tosses are shit,“ Kyoutani says, this time in lower voice. Yahaba doesn’t have the strength to look up at Kyoutani. He just wants to have this over with. If Kyoutani wants to insult him, Yahaba will listen to every insult Kyoutani is going to throw his way. He deserves it, and Kyoutani is right, after all. "You’re a setter, but I bet that the first-years can toss better than you right now.“

"Maybe that’s true,“ Yahaba whispers, more to himself than to anyone else. He knows that. He knows that today are his tosses worse than on his usual bad days, and that’s why he counts the minutes to the end of practise. He looks more forward to extra practise with Kyoutani, since there won’t be so many people who would see him screw up.  

"Why don’t you quit, then?“ Kyoutani growls angrily, and Yahaba’s heart sinks the moment Kyoutani lets the words come out of his mouth. He never expected to be asked this question so straightforwardly. Yahaba asked this question himself so many times, but hearing it like that, it feels so much different. It hurts twice as much, too.

"That’s enough!“ Yahaba doesn’t know who is the owner of the voice, since the only thing he can focus on is the question Kyoutani asked him.

 _Why don’t you quiet, then?_ I don’t know, Yahaba would answer if he could. He likes playing volleyball, but the team needs a strong setter. That means someone else than Yahaba.

Maybe Oikawa was wrong, and Yahaba wasn’t the best choice.

"The practise is over. You can go home, and tomorrow, I want you to be in a good shape. Practise match is behind the corner, we need you all to work together,“ their coach says, folding his arms over his chest. "First years, after you clean up, you can go home too.“

The coach looks at Yahaba, and he just nods. He understood what was his coach implying – no more practise for today. And that goes for Yahaba too.

"I am sorry for today. I really am,“ Yahaba says, facing his teammates. He bows slightly, and then excuses himself. He needs to get out of here as soon as possible. He doesn’t want to be here. He just wants to be alone.

He practically runs to their locker room, and once he is inside, he lets out a shaky breath. He can’t hold the tears back anymore. Yahaba knows that he is being a drama queen, but he just can’t hold back. He wants to stop crying even though he only started, but when he remembers the judgmental looks of his teammates, he just cries more.

Yahaba doesn’t want his teammates to see his emotional breakdown, so he changes his clothes rather quickly, stuffing the sweaty clothes from practise to his bag and walks out of the locker room as quick as he came here.

He almost knocks down Kunimi, who was just about to enter the locker room. Yahaba mumbles a quiet _sorry_ and is ready to go home, but Kunimi stops him by catching Yahaba by his elbow. When he looks at Kunimi with a questioning look, Kunimi wears the same expression as always. Yahaba doesn’t know if he is angry too – probably yes – or not.

When Kunimi starts opening his mouth to say something, Yahaba waits for the worst.

"Don’t be so hard on yourself. I liked the tosses just fine,“ he says, letting go of his elbow. And Yahaba feels even more like crying than he did before. Why is Kunimi so nice to him? Isn’t he angry, like everyone else? Yahaba fucked up today, didn’t he notice?

"He’s right, they weren’t that bad,“ Kindaichi appears from nowhere, and suddenly he is standing next to Kunimi with Watari by his side, too.

Yahaba gulps and looks down, embarrassed. His kouhais are trying to make him feel better. Again. How pathetic is he? Altough he feels ashamed, Yahaba feels something else, too. He doesn’t know the name of the feeling, but it’s nice, pleasant.

Is it possible that he feels better after receiving a compliment from his teammates? Okay, it wasn’t exactly a compliment, but for Yahaba it counts as one.

"You can’t maybe can’t see it, but you’re getting better,“ Watari smiles at him, friendly bumping into him. Yahaba just stares at them, not knowing what to say. Or more likely, he knows what he wants to say, but he can’t get the words out of his throat.

"We believe in you, captain. Remember that,“ Kunimi adds, and steps into the locker room. Kindaichi gives him a reassuring smile, as if he wanted to say that he agrees with what Kunimi said, and then he follows Kunimi in the locker room.

"You heard them, _captain_ ,“

And they are gone in a blink of an eye, disappearing behind the locker room doors. Yahaba catches himself smiling. He doesn’t know when did he start smiling, but he also doesn’t remember the last time he felt smile on his lips. It almost feels unfamiliar.

While walking out of the gym, he gets patted on his back by his teammates multiple times. They don’t seem angry anymore, and they aren’t throwing any fake smiles at him to make him feel better. It’s all so sincere ang genuine that Yahaba can feel his mood getting better with every pat on his shoulder. To Yahaba’s surprise, one of his teammates – the one who shoot Yahaba an unkind glance when he didn’t get the toss he wanted – also said that he is sorry for his behavior, and that he didn’t mean to be rude. Yahaba told him not to worry about it, since he had the right to be angry at Yahaba.

When he is out of the gym, he lets out a long sigh of relief. In the end, his teammates weren’t as angry at Yahaba as he thought they would be. Breathing is suddenly so much easier, and Yahaba doesn’t even think of crying anymore.

"Are you just going to stand here, or are you actually going to move?“ Yahaba lets out a surprised yelp, subconsciously taking a step back. When he look up, he sees Kyoutani standing just a few meters away from from him, leaning against the school gate. He is frowning, like most of the time, but Yahaba can see that the frown isn’t due to Kyoutani being angry. But Yahaba can always be wrong.

"Yeah, I’m going,“ if he didn’t feel miserable for screwing up so many tosses for Kyoutani, he would’ve probably reply with a sarcastic comment, but since he is still feeling guilty, he doesn’t and choose to answer normally.

"Glad to hear that.“

Yahaba doesn’t know how to act around Kyoutani right now. They’ve been secretly dating for a few weeks by now, and they had a fair share of fights even before they started dating, but this was completely different. They didn't exactly have a fight, right? Kyoutani just did what he always does – he said what was on his mind. It was not Kyoutani’s fault for being himself. It was Yahaba’s fault that he made him that angry.

Since it is pretty common to be jumped in the area between school and Yahaba’s house, Kyoutani insisted on walking him home after practise. Kyoutani always stayed to do extra practise with Yahaba, so Yahaba didn’t have any excuse besides Kyoutani coming home so late just because he is overprotective for no reason – who would have thought, right? Kyoutani still insisted on walking him home, and boy, he is stubborn.

Yahaba is usually glad to have Kyoutani by his side, even though he often teased Kyoutani about being so protective. He doesn’t know if he could defend himself if someone really jumped him. As Yahaba said, he is usually glad to walk home with Kyoutani, but not now. The silence between them is tense and awkward, and Yahaba is sure that Kyoutani doesn’t feel very comfortable either.

"You know, I like volleyball,“ Yahaba decides to break the silence. He doesn’t like this tense silence, it’s getting on his nerves. He wants to forget about this day already, so he has to talk to Kyoutani about what happened at the gym.

"Huh?“ Kyoutani looks up from the pavement, meeting Yahaba’s eyes. Once they find each others‘ eyes, they are not able to look away. "I know you do.“

They stop walking just a few steps away from Yahaba’s house.

"Why are you telling me this?“ Kyoutani asks, confused. Yahaba is not surprised that Kyoutani doesn’t know what he’s talking about, so he continues.

"You asked me the reason I don’t want to quit,“ Yahaba says. "The reason is that I like volleyball. And I want to be better, I just need more time. I know we don’t exactly have much time and I know I suck–“

"No, shut up,“ Kyoutani interrupts him with an annoyed sigh, and Yahaba shuts his mouth immediately. It’s not like he is afraid of Kyoutani – because he is most certainly not, since there is no reason to be afraid – but he looks like he wants to say something too, so Yahaba lets him. He said enough.

"I said your tosses today were shit, and I meant it,“ Yahaba looks down at his shoes, not really knowing what to say about that, so he just waits for Kyoutani to continue. "But I didn’t say that you suck, or that you are a bad setter. Is that clear?“

Yahaba looks up again, blinking in surprise. Kyoutani isn’t really the type to praise someone, or even try to make someone feel better when the person is actually in fault.

If Yahaba didn’t have words before, now he doesn’t even think he can move his face. He must look like an idiot, staring at Kyoutani with wide eyes, slightly open mouth and a pink blush on plastering his cheeks.

"Oikawa must have had a reason for wanting you as a captain. I know you can do it,“ Kyoutani adds, and averts his gaze elsewhere. If it wasn’t so dark, Yahaba would probably say that he is blushing, but in the darkness around them, he can only guess.

"Say something,“ Kyoutani scratches the back of his head, sounding impatient to hear Yahaba say something in return.

"That was so nice of you,“ Yahaba can’t help but tease his boyfriend about actually saying something nice to him, but he is really glad that Kyoutani said what he did. Yahaba now finally feels like he can move on, and try to be better tomorrow with knowing that Kyoutani believes in him, too.

"Shut the fuck up,“ he shoots at Yahaba and rolls his eyes.

They stand in silence for a while, not saying a word. The awkward silence turns into a relaxing silence, and Yahaba feels like crying when his mobile rings. It is his mother, telling him to hurry because the diner is ready. He says that he’ll be home in a minute, ending the call and putting his mobile back to his pocket.

Yahaba wants to tell Kyoutani that he has to go, when Kyoutani suddenly kisses him. The kiss is soft, and Yahaba closes his eyes immediately, wanting to enjoy the kiss as much as possible.

He is still surprised that someone who looks as tough as Kyoutani kisses so gently, like he is afraid he would hurt Yahaba if he tried to be a little rougher. Yahaba doesn’t have any problem with being kissed like this, since he fell in love with Kyoutani’s lips the first time they kissed.  

They part after a few seconds of kissing, but they don’t let go of each other yet. They keep staring into each others‘ eyes, smiling slightly. Even if it’s just a minute, it sure feels like forever.

"I expect the perfect tosses tomorrow,“ Kyoutani whispers against Yahaba’s lips, and Yahaba feels shiver running down his spine when he feels Kyoutani’s breath on his skin.

"You’ll get them,“ Yahaba chuckles and kisses Kyoutani one more time.

Everyone in his team believes in him, so maybe he should start believing in himself, too.


End file.
